Where I've Been, Where I am, Where I'm Going

Thanks to guest blogger Michelle Saleeba we have another fantastic piece for you to get in touch with your creative side.

Gather your supplies:

  • Journal or single sheet of paper/card
  • Selection of acrylic paints
  • Brushes, foam rollers & sponges for spreading paint
  • Plate or palette to spread paint on
  • Selection of magazines or collage source material that have meaning to you
  • Water soluble pastels and/or pencils or markers for adding detail over dry paint
  • Craft glue 
  • Lead pencil and ruler
  • Decorative paper or tape for segmenting pages (I’ve used a plain black electrical tape from a hardware store)

Introduction

With Therapeutic art activities it is the process, the reflection, the visualisation, the emotional experience that are important NOT the final outcome.  We aren’t aiming for a product here.  

You don’t have to have any art training, you don’t need to be able to make realistic drawings.  If you really feel your piece needs a person in it – stick figures work!

There is no right way to do this only your way.  Take ownership of the process.  And remember no-one need see your work unless you choose to share it. 

Often people feel a little overwhelmed at having to use art materials they’ve never previously worked with.  Or the idea of sitting quietly and reflecting can seem weird and awkward.  That’s completely OK most of us feel slightly anxious when we try something new…..don’t fight it, this is play time and the more you make space in your life for creative and emotional play the easier it becomes.

Reflecting

For this creative therapy exercise it is helpful to spend some time quietly centring yourself and gathering your thoughts.  Leaving behind the stress and carry on from our day to day lives and allowing our self to be really present and engaged with the creative process.  

So get comfy with all your stuff spread in front of you and close your eyes for a moment, focussing at first on your breathing.  Gently aiming for an evenness of breath, in and out.  

Bring your attention to your past – which ever aspect of your past that jumps out at you.  All of it, a specific significant event there’s no right focus here.  Do you have a particular colour that you associate with this time in your life?  With your childhood say or all of the time leading to now?  This is the colour or combination of colours that are going to be the background to the first part of your page.

As you are visualising the colour/s of where you’ve been you will likely have images, words, faces perhaps even sounds, smells and tastes that come to the front of your conscious mind.  Gently acknowledge these – they will guide you in your choice of collage materials.

When reflecting on your present what are the aspects that you are most grateful for?  Those that you would like to change?  Is there a colour that defines your present situation?  A symbol, taste or sensation?

Looking to the Future is a visioning exercise and here we have the opportunity to place our desires, hopes and dreams on the page.  It’s an opportunity to think about the aspects of our life we want to work on or change and how that might look

Engage with the process

Please read through the whole process before you start 

Step 1- Segmenting

Divide your page into 3 sections using your lead pencil.  

If you want straight lines and structured segments use the ruler – if you prefer fluid and loose go freehand!  

Step 2-Laying down the colours

It’s time to use the sponges or foam rollers to colour the Where I’ve Been segment.

We are creating a background here with the intent to place elements on top so it works best to apply the paint sparingly.

Spreading the paint too thickly or using loads of water will increase the drying time.  You can always use a hairdryer to speed up the drying process if you need too.  

Step 4-Rip Tear Cut

Turn to your collection of collage materials and recalling the images etc from your reflection start selecting anything that really speaks to you and fits with what you visualised.  Rip or cut whatever works for you.

*TIP-you want to keep yourself moving quite quickly here – don’t get sucked into reading articles!  It can help to give yourself a time limit!

 (In the example at the top of the document I asked participants to aim for 8 -12 images and/or words per segment.)

Step 5- Collage

You want your painted segment to be dry for this bit.  

Start to arrange the collage elements representing your past on the painted segment.  

Glue them down using your craft glue.

Step 6- and repeat x2

You need to follow the above process through again for Where I Am and Where I’m Going starting with a reflection for each aspect.

Step 7 – Pushing apart pulling together

Now define the three segments of the piece, you can use your tape here or another medium that you prefer such as permanent marker.   

The phases of our life are both separate and dependent on each other.  There are lessons and experiences we choose to leave behind and others to carry forward.  To demonstrate this using your pastels or markers add text and illustration that symbolically links the aspects that you choose to carry through from one part of your life to the next.

For example you may draw arrows or ladders leading from one section to the next. Or perhaps an arrow points from one aspect of your past to the future but the destination is unclear.  

Michelle Saleeba is a single mum to two independent teenagers and perhaps more simply a gorgeous German Shorthaired Pointer called Otis who still likes going with her for walks at the beach!   

She writes, paints and journals and tries to get on the yoga mat as often as possible.   

Michelle facilitates creative therapy support groups for women that incorporate meditation as well as visual art and writing usually in the safe container of a journal.  

Michelle is also an accredited personal trainer and offers exercise programs and training sessions for wellbeing as well as anxiety and depression management.

Connect on Facebook

For more information about creative support groups or personal training with Michelle contact the Henry Street Centre in Fremantle on 9433 6957 or email michellesaleeba@msn.com or visit her website www.michellesaleeba.com


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19 natural ways to boost energy levels

Written by guest blogger Nikki Ranshaw. Nikki is the founder of Peak Pregnancy and specialises in working with women to stay active and healthy throughout their pregnancy journey.  Nikki is an experienced Personal Trainer with over 11 years experience working within the fitness industry specialising in women’s health and fitness. Nikki has been a Registered Midwife for over 6 years and a Clinical Nurse for over 8 years and has over 4 years experience specialising in Fertility and Reproductive Medicine. Nikki has spent over 7 years working at King Edward Memorial Hospital and has practiced in nearly every area of midwifery, from Labour and Birth Suite, Adult Special Care Unit, Obstetric Wards, Antenatal Clinics, Adolescent Clinic, Home Visiting Midwife, Parent Education, Breastfeeding Clinic and over 4 years experience within KEMH Fertility Clinic assisting women who are having difficulty becoming pregnant to conceive. Nikki has also worked in many other areas of Nursing including Neonatal Nursery, Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, Diabetes and more.

Article previously blogged by Peak Pregnancy.

19 natural ways to boost energy levels

1. Temperature control

If you’re too hot your body slows down and if you’re too cold your body temperature drops and slows you down so find that happy medium. Throw on a jumper or crank up the heater if you’re chilly, alternatively if you’re a hot person carry around a body spray mist, stand in front of a fan, go for a swim or cold shower or crack up the aircon, anything to try and keep you cool.

2. Get some fresh air

As little as 10-20 mins outdoors in the fresh air is enough to help you feel alive and energised. You don’t need a park, beach, forest or woods, just pounding the pavement will do.

3. Eat Small amounts regularly

Without food to fuel your body your engine will conk out. Small and healthy meals can boost cognitive function and keep your energy levels topped up

4. Steer clear of sugar

When I say this I mean everything in moderation…. Treat yourself once in a while, but don’t make sugary drinks or sugary food a daily habit. Sugar boosts your energy levels quickly but just a quickly leave you crashing and burning when that sugar high plummets.

5. Laugh

That’s right, laughter can lift your mood and lower stress levels, so however you choose to go about laughing that is up to you. Catch up with friends, go to a comedy night, watch a few YouTube clips, put on a comedy movie…… as long as you’re having a giggle, and feel relaxed

6.  Get moving

Exercise will get those feel good hormones pumping through your system and give you a natural buzz! Even as little as 10 minutes can do the trick

7. Stretch

Getting off the couch and stretching can fight depression and help with anxiety. Yoga and Pilates classes are also a great idea to give you some ideas about stretching and flexing.

8. Natural light

Open the curtains, open your doors, walk outside. Ever heard of seasonal depression, I’m a sucker for this…. I’m well aware that in the winter I tend to shy away from the world and hibernate more than usual and in summer I’m full of energy and life. So if it’s one of those gloomy days or if you’re just feeling down add some sunlight to your day

9. Makes friends with complex carbs

Even if you are on a low carb diet you still need carbs to function throughout the day, so don’t cut out carbs altogether. Complex carbs are brain food and slowly release glucose to keep you energised and thinking straight. Cutting out carbs altogether can leave you feeling grumpy, moody and forgetful, I’m sure you can relate with that! Remember if you are breastfeeding or pregnant you need to up your daily carb intake.

10. Work out in the morning

Hitting the gym in the morning can increase your days productivity and give you a good morning energy boost to start your day with a natural high

11. Get in a power nap

Just 10-20 minutes is plenty, this is just enough to give you a second wind to help you get through the day, any more than this can do the opposite effect and may also throw off a good nights sleep.

12. Chew or suck on something

By this I don’t mean over eat! At times where you need to be concentrating or at work on a Monday morning with Mondayitis, try chewing on a piece of chewing gum or munching on veggie sticks, something to keep your mind occupied to increase alertness and lift your mood

13. Take a shower

A cold shower!!! Nothing like a good bout of cold water to wake you up, brrrrr, works every time. A cold swimming pool, lake or ocean will do the trick as well.

14. Breathe in and Out

Yep, taking big deep breaths can up your blood oxygen level which can increase your alertness and energy levels

15. Drink water

Aim for 2-3 litres a day, don’t let yourself get thirsty as this means you’re already dehydrated! It’s amazing how good you feel after downing a pint of water when you’re feeling tired. Dehydration causes you to feel tired and robs you of energy. Every morning before you get up drink a big glass of water even if you don’t feel thirsty, you have been fasting for hopefully 7-8 hours you will be in a mild dehydrated state when you wake up.

16. Sing

Singing requires you to take big breaths, which oxygenates the blood. If you’re a nervous singer then adrenalin will start pumping around your body which will act as a natural high. While on this note why not fully get into the moment and turn up the tunes to even further boost your alertness

17. Socialise

Even if you don’t feel like getting out the house or having anyone over, pick up the phone and organise a catch up with a friend or family member. Studies show that people who socialise are generally happier than those who don’t

18. Do something fun

If you’re feeling bored you get sleepy so go do something you enjoy for a few minute to keep you awake! Walk away from the computer or get up off the couch and find that something you enjoy to do for a few minutes.

19. Colours

Wear bright clothes, buy flowers for your home, decorate your house with bright objects, instead of buying the popular black staple items try choosing things with bright colours. Surrounding yourself and your home or office with bright colours can lift your mood and positive outlook on life. Let’s just say my car is bright yellow, I love sunflowers, my house is decorated in bright yellow and blues and most of the clothes have colour in them, this one definitely works for me!


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Look at me now!

We are delighted to present you with a number of images taken for our 'Look at me now!' campaign.  This initiative is designed to provide a high impact, emotive image which shows in a very straightforward manner just how far the children have come since their stay in NICU/SCN.

These little super stars will be on display at most of our public events, their images will also be used on our website and in marketing materials.  A huge thank you to each of the families who participated.

Click to enlarge the images.

Mia born 23 weeks 4 days, 645g.  Came home on oxygen but is now a in pre-primary and thriving.

Twins Logan and Blake born at 26 weeks 2 days weighing 1070g and 945g.

Harley born 33 weeks, 1810g due to PE.

Hayley born 24 weeks 5 days, weighing 740g now a very happy kindy kid.

Aaleyah born 33 weeks 5 days, 2170g due to PE.

Aurora born 31 weeks 1 day, weighing 1410g due to HELLP syndrome.

Hayward born 27 weeks, 870g due to pre-eclampsia.

Mark born at term with stage 2-3 HIE, meconium aspiration and seizures.

Dakota born 32 weeks, 1700g, required full resuscitation at birth.

Noah born at term with a complete heart block requiring admission to NICU and fitting of a pacemaker.


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Workshop - Getting back to health after high risk pregnancy or giving birth to a premature or sick baby

Enduring a high risk pregnancy and/or spending hours/days/months beside your baby in the NICU/SCN is without a doubt an exhausting time both emotionally and physically. You should be caring for your own health to ensure you can care for others. Mothers being mothers usually don't follow this advice. They often put their own health at the bottom of the priority list.

Nikki Ranshaw from Peak Pregnancy is both a midwife and a personal trainer. With extensive knowledge of what happens behind those sliding NICU doors, and having cared for many high-risk pregnant mothers, she will provide you realistic, achievable advice that allows you to take the first step in focusing your attention on you.  By doing so, you will be healthier both mentally and physically.

The workshop will be help in Subiaco on Wednesday the 22nd of October at 7pm.  It is open to all families affected by high-risk pregnancy, premature birth or having a sick newborn.  To register for this workshop please visit the registration page.


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Xavier's Heart

Guest blog post by Tracey H, mother to Xavier and older brother Blake. Tracey also compiled a beautiful video of Xavier's early days. 


The birth of a premature and critically ill child was overwhelming and traumatic.  Watching our baby struggle for life brought inconceivable highs and lows and was an extremely difficult time for us all.  This is my story of our second child’s surprise arrival & the journey we all took from that moment onwards.

Our first son Blake was eagerly awaiting the arrival of his little brother. Knowing 2 Β½ year olds can’t really grasp time parameters, we kept saying β€œnot just yet – still a while away”. The day I began having contractions so happened to be the same day I was booked in for my pre-admission interview at the hospital where I was planning on taking Blake to see where β€œMummy was going to spend a few days when the baby was born”. No such luck.

My placenta had partially abrupted in the early hours of the morning and was causing painful contractions. An emergency c-section was ordered and our heads were spinning. Totally unprepared, we didn’t expect this, nor what was to follow. Our Obstetrician had warned us that because our baby was going to be 4 weeks premature, he would have to take a visit to the neonatal special care unit soon after being born. We were now prepared he would be taken away from us, so when it did happen, we didn’t expect anything was seriously wrong.

Mummy holding Xavier's hand

Xavier was born at 9.46am and let out a big cry. Within 10mins of being born, he turned blue. The Paediatricians didn’t want to alarm everyone in the room and wrapped Xavier up and gave me a quick look before whisking him off to the special care unit with my husband Darren in tow. I was taken to the recovery room oblivious to the fact my newborn was clinging onto life. After nearly an hour by myself, I started to suspect something wasn’t right. I even recall seeing out the window into the hospital carpark, an ambulance arrive and thought that was strange given this hospital didn’t take emergencies. Little did I know it had arrived to take away my newborn, and my world was about to come crashing down.

The doctors worked on Xavier for what seemed like an eternity to Darren to figure out what was wrong. His condition continued to deteriorate and after bagging him, the decision was made to intubate him as his oxygen levels were rapidly dropping. The medical staff struggled to get the intubation tube down and have him properly ventilated, which was exceptionally hard for Darren to witness. Darren had then been kicked out of the room, blinds shut and sat in the corridor in a state of shock. Darren had been told by the medical team not be alarmed but they had to call for backup and he would see several people running down the corridors. Worried and distressed Darren wandered around the labour ward until he found me and lost it crying. I had never seen Darren this distraught, I instantly thought our baby was gone. Darren broke the news to me that our baby wasn’t breathing well and they were about to do a tracheotomy. My heart sank, what do you mean not breathing ??? At this point several medical staff ran into the room to find Darren and said they got our baby intubated and they were now waiting on the Newborn Emergency TransportationTeam to arrive. I asked in total disbelief β€œwhat is going on ?” … β€œI’m sorry but something is seriously wrong with your baby’s lungs or heart and he needs to be sent to PMH immediately so they can find out exactly what is wrong”. My heart sank and I couldn’t believe this was happening. It felt so surreal and Darren and I just sat there and sobbed. Merely a few hours prior I was in bed sleeping, oblivious to the fact my life was about to change.

A painstaking further hour later, as they tried to stabilise Xavier ready for transfer, Darren asked them to please bring our baby to me so I could see him. My heart ached and I felt so gutted as I saw my fragile baby blue, his mouth full of blood and body full of foreign wires. Newborn babies aren’t supposed to look like this ? They opened up the humidicrib and I got to touch his skin.

The ambulance was waiting to transfer Xavier and also waiting downstairs was our family, and Blake got to meet his little brother and touch him in the humidicrib. Darren tells me Blake cried and said he didn’t want them to take his brother away in the ambulance, and you now realise how this traumatic event is about to affect many people in our lives, including his unsuspecting 2 Β½ year old brother.

Needless to say the memories of the day Xavier suddenly arrived are scattered for me. I’m told blackout periods are your body’s way of protecting yourself. It’s a day that is supposed to bring such joy and one that will never be forgotten, but for me, its now like missing pieces and a big blur of confusion, pain and sadness. The continued shock of what was to follow brought this day to what I felt was a nightmare and I lay there waiting to wake up.

Darren was called to go to PMH urgently where the Paediatric Cardiologist conducted an echocardiogram and diagnosed Xavier with having complex congenital heart disease. A rare condition called Transposition of the Great Arteries (TGA). Essentially, when Xavier’s heart developed in utero around 8-10 weeks gestation, the main vessels leading into the two ventricles of the heart were transposed, so his major organs could never receive any oxygenated blood. The connection between the pumping chambers and the main vessels were altered. Xavier’s Cardiologist explained that Xavier had a parallel circulation and this was unfortunately not detected antenatally via a scan which was performed elsewhere.Xavier, critically ill in ICU underwent an emergency procedure to create a hole between the two collecting chambers of his heart, to allow the blood to mix and become partially oxygenated. This was a temporary fix until he could receive surgery to mend his broken heart.

Darren rung me to break the devastating news that our baby had a major cardiac defect and would have to fly to Melbourne’s Royal Children Hospital to save his life, as this particular open heart operation was currently not being performed in Perth. Hearing those words, I wasn’t distressed, I was numb.

The next day I was finally allowed to get all my tubes out from the c-section, leave the maternity hospital and go see Xavier at PMH. This was a torturous overnight wait, praying and hoping that I would see my baby again. When I finally did enter the ICU ward, nothing prepared me to see a limp newborn entangled in wires and chords. A memory I won’t easily forget.

Xavier proved to be a β€œchallenge” for the doctors at PMH with his sensitive fragile lungs adversely reacting to any minor changes in medication. The combination of medication and the hole created on day 1 for adequate blood mixing, was too much for his lungs and caused them to collapse, with the doctors then having to reintubate. Not an easy task when Xavier’s throat was still swollen from the struggle the doctors originally had resuscitating him in that first hour he was born. This was our first realisation that it was very much going to be 2 steps forward, 1 step back. It was a battle we wanted our baby to win so badly.

The toughest times during these initial few days following his arrival, was waiting for confirmation on when he could have his operation done in Melbourne. Each hour that passed we hoped he wouldn’t take a turn for the worse. Xavier’s Cardiologist called me at the maternity hospital on the Friday to confirm Xavier was booked in to have his arterial switch operation on Tuesday, to be performed by one of the few Paediatric Cardiac Surgeons in Australia. The feeling of relief was so overwhelming that I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. So many more hurdles lay ahead but it was one step at a time.

Big brother and Mummy keeping Xavier safe

Now stabilised, the night before Xavier flew to Melbourne with The Royal Flying Doctors, ICU gave us special permission to let Blake see his little brother and I got my first hold. I had craved my baby’s warm skin against mine for that entire week so when the time came, it was a little surreal. The nurses didn’t want to pre-empt this opportunity as they had planned for my first hold on day 3 which didn’t happen after he crashed, so when they said β€œwould I like a hold”, tears ran down my face. This moment every mum looks forward to their entire pregnancy, and here I was 6 days after having given birth, I finally got to hold my child, skin to skin.

Xavier was taken on the medical flight the next morning and you really do have a new level of nervousness when something like this happens. We boarded the commercial flight to Melbourne that same morning and awaited the news upon arriving in Melbourne of Xavier’s safe arrival too. The news came through just as we landed thankfully and there were tears all around. Another massive hurdle jumped – he had made it safely.

Being transferred to Melbourne

...by the Royal Flying Doctor Service

The morning of the surgery, we said our prayers to our son to be strong and said goodbye. I felt weak as we watched all the specialists wheel him off down the corridor to theatre, and I cried as I said to the Anaesthetist walking out the door, please look after our baby. Then the agonising wait began. I felt sick and empty not knowing what lay ahead for us later that day, and was angry with myself for letting my mind think of the worst possible outcome. Stay positive – I kept re-iterating that to myself, but your mind is a very powerful tool. We were advised to get outside and enjoy the sunshine, take Blake to a park to keepour minds occupied as much as possible, but as every minute went by, I prayed that phone didn’t ring until it was supposed to. Thankfully 7 hours later the surgeon rang as planned, to tell us the operation was a success. Another memory that won’t be forgotten.

Second day in the Cardiac Ward and the Echo Machine diagnosed that Xavier had developed Super Ventricular Tachiachardia (SVT)

So, 11 hours after saying goodbye, we got to see our baby again. Nothing can prepare you for the feelings you have seeing your tiny newborn lying still, lifeless with so many more tubes, wires, chords coming out and a myriad of machines attached, it really did take your breath away. Seeing Xavier like this was beyond anything we could ever of imagined or anticipated.

Whilst knowing so many friends and family back home were waiting for the news, we couldn’t bring ourselves to β€œannounce” the surgery was a success, as we knew the following 48 hours were going to be more critical than the operation itself and weren’t ready for congratulatory messages filtering through.

That night, Darren sat by Xavier’s bedside and was told he would need to go onto renal dialysis as his kidneys were being a bit lazy after being on the heart lung by-pass machine. Gut wrenching.

48 hours later and finally things were looking up, a magical moment for us when at age 10 days old, Xavier begun to open his eyes.Darren finally got his first hold and Xavier was wide awake and sat there for over an hour just starring at his Daddy. The euphoric moments when you have a baby was finally being experienced for us.

To say the next few days were exhausting is an understatement. Expressing as often as two hourly around the clock and on many occassions by Xavier’s bedside in ICU, and just being there for our baby in tandem with Darren, struggling with leaving one son to be with another, was physically and emotionally straining. Whilst I felt it was the reality of knowing I had to be positive and happy for my 2 Β½ year old son when we were around him, I felt you had no option but to β€œcope”. This question I was asked by so many β€œI don’t know how you did it, I couldn’t have done it, how did you cope ?” How did I cope… You just do.

Deep down I knew I had been given a miracle, and I knew my husband and I ultimately held the strength our baby needed to get through this battle. I think it was at this point the shock of what had happened over the last 10 days began to unravel. Thankfully we had such wonderful support with both sets of our parents flying to Melbourne to be with us, support us, and help look after Blake, along with constant messages from back home of hope, strength and love, filled the emptiness we were experiencing. Its times like these you quickly realise how grateful you are for strong friendships and solid family relationships.

After 5 days in PICU, longer than originally anticipated, Xavier was ready to be transferred to the Cardiac Ward and another set back – the daily chest xray indicated he had a partial upper right lung collapse which meant he wasn’t quite ready to move out of ICU. One by one… we felt a series of steps we had to get through…. And each felt like such a painful and agonizing wait… but the feeling of relief was so welcoming when this stage past.

Once we made it up to the Cardiac Ward, Xavier was settled – the environment was more welcoming, in his shared room – his allocated corner had curtains, a TV and a window view to the helipad, unlike ICU, the windowless dungeon. We were now more involved in Xavier’s care, expected to bath and change (not so easy trying to maneuver all the wires and cords attached whilst trying to give Xavier his first β€œbird” bath aged 2 weeks of age). We were also taught to do gravity nasal tube feeds by ourselves. Nothing like this type of care ever crossed our minds, but you get on with it and tackle each day as they come. I found the ward rounds of 16 medical staff quite overwhelming, but comforting knowing so many specialists were involved in ensuring Xavier had the best care.

Xavier had a rocky recovery. Besides his zipper wound getting infected and needing to be re-stitched, he developed a post operative condition as a result of the surgery called Supra Ventricular Tachycardia. This now meant he would be on heart medication until the erratic fast heart rate episodes subsided. A worrying time seeing the monitors going off whilst he was in SVT.

It is very much like a rollercoaster ride when you have such a sick baby. Our days were consumed by doing pre & post weighs, ensuring he was getting enough from breast feeds, praying each day he doesn’t lose weight, hearing his blood pressure was too high, watching the monitors as his heart rate spiked, and his oxygen levels dropped, being so swollen, not pee-ing enough, pee-ing too much…. Xavier’s poor body was bruised and battered and seeing him like this made us feel so helpless and so angry at times – why did our baby have to go through this. No newborn or child should have to experience such pain.

Those following 8 days at the Royal Childrens Hospital were like groundhog day, I often found myself wondering, how did we get here? I guess the impact of not knowing our child was sick whilst I was pregnant meant we couldn’t mentally prepare ourselves for this journey. So, needless to say it was a tumultuous time, lots of deep deep heartache and tears shed, but also immense strength on days that we didn’t even know we had.

Finally, the day had come. 21 days since Xavier was born, we made the journey home back to Perth. Relief, excitement, gratitude and love consume us, as well as anxiousness about what lies ahead with sadness and sorrow in what journey we’ve just been on. Feeling physically and emotionally drained, we arrive back in Perth to our excited family for their first meet and greet of Xavier at the airport, and we are off to PMH.

Upon arriving at PMH, we had all the usual checks done and thankfully Xavier’s nasal gastric tube was taken out and after feeding well for the first time, we were discharged home the next afternoon. Ironically this day, the day we arrived home was the same day I was originally booked in for a caesarian to have Xavier. This was the start of our new life together as a family of four, and was also the first day Xavier didn’t have any monitors or tubes in and we got to hold and cuddle him just like any other normal baby.

For me, as well as dealing with the physical issues of recovering from the birth and shock, I found myself overwhelmed by some unexpected emotions during this journey. Feelings of being out of control and in a dream-like state consumed me often. Loneliness, anxiety and guilt were such powerful emotions I felt when we found out our baby had a problem after birth. I realise now all these hurt feelings are part of the accepting and healing process. We did ask ourselves, as anyone does faced with such unexpected challenges – why were we the ones chosen to go through this heartache? We had a rough first 2 years of our first son’s life with feeding issues from a late detected tongue tie, severe reflux, UTIs, a broken wrist on Christmas eve, several food allergies, asthma, dermatitis and constant sleepless nights – but boy has that now been put into perspective. We are just so grateful to now have two loving healthy boys.

I still grieve for all those magical first moments I felt like I missed out on, like not being able to hold Xavier once he was born, not attempting that first breastfeed in the hours after he was born, and not having Blake meet his baby brother for the first time as anticipated in our room and exchanging β€œwelcome gifts”. I also reflect on being lonely in the hospital room no longer being pregnant and without my baby, listening to all the other babies crying around me; the agonising wait to hold Xavier; Blake crying to see his baby brother again and feeling helpless that he’s missed out on all the initial excitement we should have had as a family; receiving sorrow messages instead of happy congratulatory messages; being overwhelmed with shock and sadness instead of joy and excitement; and ultimately knowing my son was in pain and constantly worrying whether he would survive. I know I’m not alone when I say these things, so many other mothers have experienced this pain brought by having a premature sick baby.

Xavier’s condition is a real paradox. Without the surgery, he would have died. However, once the surgery is done – the heart is fixed, and he should live a normal life. We are so thankful for this and will forever be grateful to all those involved who saved his life.

Mummy and Xavier, now 3 1/2 years old

This was the toughest time our family has gone through, but this experience reminds me we don’t get to decide everything in our life and shouldn’t take our health and our treasured family and friends for granted. Whilst I wish I never encountered this nightmare, I acknowledge we were chosen and Xavier’s experience will touch many people’s lives because of it. The pain we have suffered will eventually subside, but never be forgotten. I made a choice a few months ago to no longer hold onto the distressing memories. We believe things do happen for a reason and we are the luckiest family I know & I’m going to be strong for my boys & embrace the health & joy they bring me everyday β™₯β™₯β™₯


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Adison's NICU Journey

Adison's NICU Journey